Lights, Camera, CUT!
by The Experimental Film
Summary: This is a reprint of "Lights...Camera...CUT", written by MeowthMix (Hizzy) but deleted because she lost interest. I do have permission to post this again, don't worry. Basically, the cast of Pokemon searches for a new script.
1. That Crazy Honcho

**Lights…Camera…CUT!**  
by MeowthMix

A/N: An author by the name ofMeowthMix wrote LLC a few years back. After a while, she lost her Pokemon interest, changed her screen name to Hizzy, and deleted all of her Pokemon fanfics. This is one of these, and in my judgment, it is possibly the best. (Please note, however, that MeowthMix/Hizzy says that she thinks her writing has greatly improved over the years. So, don't judge her writing by your opinion of this). I got my inspiration for the not-yet-finished "Rocket Christmas" from this fanfic, so if anything seems familiar, that's the reason. Anyway, here is "Lights…Camera…CUT!", unchanged from MM/H's computer.

LIGHTS CAMERA CUT: Part 1

"The scripts are finally in!" the director announced as he handed everyone their parts for the next movie.

Misty read the title aloud, "Pokémon: the last movie."

"I've got several more on the way," the director said proudly, "the sequel is one to end all sequels!"

"If there's more movies coming why do you call it the last movie?" questioned Brock.

"Nevermind that," the director opened the heavy packet to the first page,  
"The star of the movie is-"

"Me?" Jessie asked hopefully. The director stared at her for a moment, then burst out laughing.

"Of course not!" he chuckled, "Only heroes can be stars!"

James spoke up, "That's not true! What about Frosty the Snowman?"

Meowth gave James an odd look but decided to ignore his strange comment, "Who IS going to be the star?"

The director was again proud of himself, "It stars Tracey!"

"But Tracey's gone," Ash said.

"I knew something was wrong with this!" he collected all the scripts, organized them, and threw each one into the fire which was conveniently placed by the buffet table, although they fail to see how that's convenient. "That's all right. I have a back up script." Everyone took one of the new scripts that were stacked on top of the other back up scripts the writers made, accurately assuming the rest would be turned down.

Misty also read this title aloud because she had been placed head of the reading aloud department, "Pokémon: the last movie that doesn't feature Tracey."

"Brilliant, I know," the director boasted, "Why don't you all read through your parts to see if you like it?"

Everyone opened to the beginning.

* * *

ASH: Hurry, Pikachu! She could be following us!

PIKACHU: Pika pi!

_ASH bends down and starts to inspect PIKACHU for injuries_

ASH: That mean old Jessie! How dare she try to steal you!

_They hurry back to the farm where Uncle Oak and Auntie Ivy are waiting for them

* * *

_

Ash looked up from his script, "Um...why am I living on a farm with Professor Oak and Ivy?"

"They asked the same thing," the director explained without giving a real reason.

* * *

ASH: Auntie Ivy! Uncle Oak! You've gotta help me! Jessie is trying to steal Pikachu again!

OAK: Well, what'd we tell you about letting it electrocute her?

ASH: But she started it! She was the one who put him in a bag and ran off with him!

IVY: Well, just stay away from her and she'll leave you both alone.

_JESSIE rides into the farmyard on a bicycle_

JESSIE: I'm here to take the rotten little pikachu away!

ASH: What do you want with my pikachu?

JESSIE: I've got an official order to put the horrid beast to sleep!

* * *

"I'm trying to steal the pikachu, not put it to sleep!"

"You're getting out of character! Just keep going!"

* * *

ASH: You can't have my pikachu! I won't let you!

OAK: Yes, that's right. We can work something out. How about a shiny new quarter?

JESSIE: All I want is the pikachu!

_JESSIE grabs PIKACHU_

JESSIE: Don't try to stop me you little brat!

ASH: Oh! You...you...you dumb-head!

_ASH runs to the farmhouse in tears_

IVY: Not again! It took him hours to get over the last pikachu that got put to sleep!

_JESSIE put PIKACHU into the basket on her bicycle and pedals away_

_Scene moves to ASH's bedroom_

ASH: How could she! Now I'll never get to see Pikachu again!

_PIKACHU jumps into the room from the window_

PIKACHU: Pika pi!

ASH: Pikachu! I'm so glad to finally see you again! And after all these years you look exactly the same! But wait...Jessie will just come back to get you...We'll have to run away!

_ASH and PIKACHU run away_

_ASH and PIKACHU run back_

PIKACHU: Pika pi?

ASH: I know that we WERE going to run away but I remember the weather man saying that a tornado was going to carry the house away so I'm going to go into my room now.

PIKACHU: Pika pi.

_Tornado comes and carries ASH, PIKACHU, and the house away_

* * *

They all looked up from their scripts again."Are you aware that plagiarism is illegal?" asked Brock. 

The director was once again put on the spot, "Hey! I had the idea first! They stole it from me!"

* * *

ASH: Whew! I was afraid that tornado would carry us away with it!

PIKACHU: Pika pi.

ASH: What? It did? ...Well, the important thing is that we're together at last!

PIKACHU: Pika pi...

ASH: Don't take that tone with me!

_ASH and PIKACHU walk out the door_

ASH: Wow! It's all so colorful in this strange new place...too colorful...

_ASH and PIKACHU put on sunglasses_

_ASH and PIKACHU wander throughout the new place_

ASH: Pikachu, I have a feeling we're not in Pallet anymore.

Ash stopped to conceal the word 'rip-off' in a series of coughs. James said 'We're out of chips' in between coughs and Meowth coughed because he had a cold.

_A bubble floats toward ASH and PIKACHU. It grows larger and in it appears MISTY, the gym leader of the north_

MISTY: Welcome to the wonderful land of Ez.  
ASH: What?

MISTY: Welcome to the wonderful land of Ez.

ASH: What is Ez? Where is this place? How do I get back to Pallet?

MISTY: Welcome to the wonderful land of Ez.

_MISTY disappears in the bubble and floats away

* * *

_

"Is that the only part I get in this stupid movie?" Misty demanded.

"Or is it?" the director said mysteriously.

"What is that supposed to mean?" she inquired.

"It's...a secret. Bum bum BUUUUUM!" he said, giving himself sound effects.

"Does your whole life revolve around boasting about your movies and constantly pretending your in one?" she folded her arms over her chest.

"That's what YOU'D like to know."

"AGH! Answer my question!"

"Well, Ms. 'I'm so important just because I'M head of the reading aloud department' I figured it was best to leave your character mysterious."

"I think the real mystery is going to be getting yourself a new actress for this part!" Misty shouted.

"Go ahead and leave," said the director casually, "I'll just give James that extra part he's wanted."

James grinned, "You obviously haven't seen the dress the good gym leader of the north gets to wear! It makes the short appearance all worth it!"

Misty sighed, "I'll stay...but only because I keep getting images of the episode Holiday at Acapulco every time he mentions wearing women's clothing."

* * *

ASH: Gee, that magic gym leader wasn't a lot of help, was she, Pikachu.

PIKACHU: Pika pi.

_RITCHIE, the homunculus enters_

RITCHIE: Hello there! Welcome to Ez!

ASH: Please don't float away in a bubble!

RITCHIE: Ah, so you've been honored with a visit from the good gym leader of the north! You must be a very important person! Are you a gym leader, too?

ASH: No...should I? Where do I sign up?

RITCHIE: Oh, but you must be! You defeated the wicked gym leader of east with your house!

ASH: Really?

_ASH looks under his house to find CASSIDY, the wicked gym leader of the east under it_

ASH: Eeeeew!

RITCHIE: What did you expect? You just crushed her with your house!

ASH: Great...Um...now that I've saved the day...how do I get back to Pallet  
Town?

RITCHIE: Pallet...Town?

ASH: Yeah.

RITCHIE: Never heard of it.

ASH: This is just perfect! I'm stuck in some stupid little town with midgets running around everywhere!

RITCHIE: Excuse me, I'm a homunculus.

ASH: I don't care! Get me back to Pallet Town!

RITCHIE: Not with that attitude.

ASH: Fine! I'm sorry! NOW will you help me?

RITCHIE: You didn't sound very sincere.

ASH: Then I'll just drop my house on you!

RITCHIE: You already dropped it on the gym leader of the east.

ASH: Well, then I'll...I'll...drop the house on ME. Then Uncle Oak and Auntie Ivy will resurrect me back in Pallet Town.

RITCHIE: All right. All right. I'll help you.

ASH: Cool.

RITCHIE: There's not much I can do but the Honcho of Ez can do anything!

ASH: Where's this Honcho guy?

RITCHIE: The Honcho of Ez can be found in Diamond City.

ASH: How do I get there?

RITCHIE: All you have to do is follow the yellow paved bike trail!

ASH: What yellow paved bike trail?

RITCHIE: Oh...I forgot...they repainted it...just follow that bike trail to Diamond City.

ASH: Sounds easy enough.

RITCHIE: It may SOUND easy but there are many dangers along the way...I know! The wicked gym leader of the east's ruby sneakers have special powers. They can protect you.

_RITCHIE points to the pair of ruby sneakers on CASSIDY'S feet, which are sticking out from under the house_

ASH: I'm NOT wearing some dead gym leaders ruby sneakers!

RITCHIE: Why not?

ASH: Those things are UGLY! I mean, come on! Who would WANT to wear ruby sneakers?

RITCHIE: Be that way! Don't wear them! You'll be sorry when the wicked gym leader of the west shows up to claim them!

_JESSIE, the wicked gym leader of the west appears_

JESSIE: You killed the sister I would have had if my mom married her dad but they didn't so technically she's not my sister but I'll call her my sister for no good reason!

RITCHIE: Now look what you've done! She's come to claim the ruby sneakers!

JESSIE: I don't want those hideous things! I just came for revenge, even though I didn't like my sister to begin with!

_ASH gasps_

JESSIE: OK, I lied. I'm going to steal your pikachu.

_ASH gasps_

PIKACHU: Pika pi?

_PIKACHU electrocutes JESSIE_

JESSIE: Have it your way! But I'll be back! Then you'll see! I'm indestructible!

ASH: If you're indestructible than why are you leaving?

JESSIE: Uh...uh...

_JESSIE vanishes in a cloud of smoke_

ASH: Now, about that bike trail?

RITCHIE: Yes, all you do is follow it!

ASH: Are there any forks in the trail or dead ends?

_RITCHIE vanishes in a cloud of smoke_

_to be continued…_

There ya go! The first of the several chapters of "Lights…Camera…CUT!", fully approved by MeowthMix. I'm hoping you enjoyed this, and I'll try to put the next chapter up tomorrow. Now review this!


	2. Persians and Rhydons and Muk! Oh my!

**Lights…Camera…CUT!**  
by MeowthMix 

A/N: You know the drill.

LIGHTS CAMERA CUT: Part 2

"This is the worst script yet! What were you thinking?" Brock exclaimed.

"If I remember correctly I was thinking 'Is there anyone as talented as me? No. There isn't'" the director sighed dreamily, having fantasies of himself. His vision was cut short as it was made clear he and Brock where the only ones in the room, "Wait, where'd everyone go?"

Brock shrugged, "the bathroom?"

"At the same time?"

"Well, we've been here nearly five hours."

"Why aren't you going?"

"I left during your big speech on yourself." The director was preparing a suitable reaction to what Brock just said when Misty walked back in with a can of Caterpie Cola.

"Where's everyone else?" asked the director.

Misty shrugged, "the bathroom?"

"Nevermind, we'll just wait. If they don't come back in fifteen minutes we'll go out and look," the director ordered. About ten minutes after he said it Jessie and James strolled into the room.

"Where have you been?" the director demanded.

"We got lost in the janitor's closet," James said casually. Jessie nodded in agreement.

"I'm not even going to say anything," the director shook his head sadly, wishing he had chosen different actors for the entire series. Meowth came in moments later.

"Do I even want to know where you've been?"

"I got lost in the janitor's closet," he explained and took a seat between Jessie and James.

The director looked at his watch, "If Ash and Pikachu aren't back in exactly four minutes and fifty three seconds they're going to be in big trouble!"

Exactly four minutes and fifty-three seconds later Ash and Pikachu entered the room.

"You've got some explaining to do!"

"We both agreed that the script sucks so we went bowling," Ash told them, "Guess what, Misty! I beat my old record by five pins!"

Misty looked surprised, "You knocked down six whole pins...and without out the bumpers?"

"Lets not go THAT far!" Ash said.

"I'll forget this whole thing ever happened if you just finish reading the scripts now!" the director half demanded, half begged.

"...OK..." everyone sighed.

-

ASH: So now all we do is follow this bike trail to Diamond City and ask the Honcho of Ez how to get back to Pallet Town? It can't be THAT hard!

PIKACHU: Pika pi!

_ASH and PIKACHU skip down the bike trail for a short distance until they reached a cornfield where the trail went two separate directions_

ASH: Oh, I knew this couldn't be as easy as it sounded!

VOICE: Maybe you should go left.

ASH: Pikachu! You can talk!

VOICE: Or maybe you should go right.

ASH: Wow! When you talk it sounds just like it's coming from that purple-haired scarecrow! Say something interesting!

VOICE: I AM the scarecrow, dummy!

ASH: That wasn't very interesting.

_PIKACHU points to JAMES, the scarecrow_

ASH: Oh, I get it! You don't want to talk around that scarecrow!

JAMES: ...and they call me the idiot...

ASH: Pikachu, you lied to me! You're not talking at all! It's really the scarecrow.

JAMES: Um...excuse me? Could you get me down from this pole? I can't do my musical number from up here!

ASH: I'll let you down on one condition: you DON'T do the musical number.

JAMES: Oh, come on! It's got dancing and everything!

ASH: No.

JAMES: Fine, fine. Just get me down.

_ASH yanks JAMES down from the pole_

_JAMES begins to sing_

ASH: That's it! I'm dropping my house on you!

JAMES: What?

ASH: Oh...you weren't there...That's right...

JAMES: Why are you traveling on this bike path, anyway?

ASH: We're going to Diamond City to ask the Honcho of Ez to send us home!

JAMES: Really? Would you mind if I came along? You see, I want to ask the Honcho for a brain.

-

"Hey! That's not very nice!" James said angrily but was ignored by everyone else.

-

ASH: Well...if you don't start singing again...

JAMES: Yay!

_ASH, JAMES, and PIKACHU continue down the trail_

JAMES: I'm hungry! What about you? We've been traveling for nearly two hours!

ASH Actually, I stole some corn from that field you were in. It's pretty good!

JAMES: That corn's infested by bugs!

ASH: I know.

PIKACHU: Pika pi!

_PIKACHU points to several apple trees_

JAMES: Oh! Yummy! I love apples!

_JAMES reaches up and picks an apple off the tree. In return, the tree hits him over the head_

JAMES: Ow! You mean old tree!

ASH: Hey, if you don't let us eat those apples I'm going to drop a house on you!

_TREE laughs_

TREE: A house? That's the lamest excuse for a threat I've heard yet!

ASH: Oh yeah? Well...Yo mamma!

TREE: What?

ASH: How do ya like dem apples?

TREE: Huh?

ASH: I know you are but what am I?

TREE: Oh, for crying out loud! Just take the apples and get lost!

_ASH makes an 'L' with his fingers over his forehead_

ASH: Loser!

_TREE becomes far too annoyed and begins throwing apples at ASH. JAMES takes this opportunity to collect the apples. While collecting the apples he finds BROCK, the tin man, who is too rusted to move_

BROCK: muffled speech

JAMES: Ooh! A robot!

BROCK: muffled speech

JAMES: What?

BROCK: muffled speech

JAMES: Come again?

BROCK: muffled speech!

JAMES: Oh! You want me to oil you! I though you said 'boil' and that just wouldn't make sense, now would it?

BROCK: muffled speech

JAMES: That wasn't very nice!

_ASH, after being thoroughly beaten by trees, drags himself over to JAMES and BROCK, followed by PIKACHU_

JAMES: The metal man wants me to oil him!

ASH: I already have to travel around with a talking scarecrow and a pikachu! I don't want some statue following us around!

BROCK: muffled speech

ASH: Well, when you put it that way how could I NOT want you to come?

_ASH, JAMES, and PIKACHU oil BROCK with the oil can placed on a nearby homunculus who happened to be TODD_

BROCK: Thanks! I've been in that same pose for 5,000 years!

ASH: Wow! That's a really long time!

BROCK: Did I say 5,000 years? I meant 5 hours.

ASH: That's a long time, too! How did you get that way?

BROCK: Has your mom ever told you not to make a face or it'll stay that way? It's true!

JAMES: I knew it!

BROCK: So where are you going, anyway?

ASH: We're going to Diamond City. I'm going to ask the Honcho of Ez to send me home.

JAMES: And I'm going to ask for a brain!

BROCK: That's perfect! I need to ask the Honcho for a heart...ya know, it's really hard to get a pretty girl without one!

ASH: To the Honcho!

BROCK: The Honcho!

JAMES: singing We're off to see the Honcho...

ASH: No singing!

_JAMES pouts_

_The foursome hadn't traveled far before stopping in a clearing for a break. JAMES ate the apples he'd acquired from the talking trees, BROCK proceeded to oil his joints, ASH ate more bug-infested corn, and PIKACHU wandered aimlessly about the trees_

JAMES: So a tornado picked your house up?

ASH: Yeah.

BROCK: And it brought you here?

ASH: Yeah.

JAMES: Dropping the house on the wicked gym leader of the east?

ASH: Yeah.

BROCK: So now you have to ask the Honcho of Ez to send you back home?

ASH: Yeah.

JAMES: I think that'd make a cool movie!

BROCK: Who'd wanna see something like that?

JAMES: shrugs Kids?

_PIKACHU runs past the three, terrified_

ASH: Hey, what got Pikachu so scared?

BROCK: Th-th-there aren't any persians here, are there?

JAMES: What about rhydons?

ASH: There could be...muk!

BROCK: Persians, and rhydons, and muk!

JAMES: Oh my!

ALL: Persians, and rhydons, and muk! Oh my! Persians and rhydons, and muk! Oh my! Persians, and rhydons, and muk! Oh my!

_Suddenly, and 'ferocious' meowth leaps out of the foliage_

ALL: AHHHHHH! It's a meowth!

_ASH, BROCK, and JAMES scatter_

MEOWTH: Roar! Dat's right humans...and scarecrows...and tinmen...! Fear me! Roar!

_MEOWTH finds PIKACHU in thick bushes_

MEOWTH: T'ink you can hide from me, do ya? Cowering in some bushes, are ya? Well, I'll teach you ta...uh...I'll teach you!

_PIKACHU electrocutes MEOWTH_

_MEOWTH begins sobbing_

MEOWTH: What'd ya do dat for? I wasn't really gonna hurt ya! I was only playing! You're so mean!

ASH: Wow! You're really sensitive!

_MEOWTH pretends the be ferocious again_

MEOWTH: I'm just...um...sick! Dat's right...sick! Cough! Cough! See? I've gotta rare tropical disease! If I only hadn't traveled to dat uncharted island off da coast of...some uncharted country! You'd be sorry, den! I'd have...done something...something you wouldn't like!

_JAMES whimpers_

ASH: He doesn't seem that scary to me!

BROCK: Come on. We gotta hurry if we want to see the Honcho before dusk!

MEOWTH: Yer goin' ta see da Honcho of Ez? Um...mind if I come?

ASH: Make up your mind! First you try to scare us away then you wanna come with us!

MEOWTH: Big choices frighten me...

BROCK: Let me guess, you want to ask the Honcho for courage.

MEOWTH: Actually, I was goin' ta ask fer striking good looks but dat'll woik.

_The four nod at each other and begin to skip down the trail_

JAMES: singing Ohhh, we're off to see the Honcho! The wonderful Honcho of Ez!

MEOWTH: singing We hear he is a hon of a hon if ev'a a hon dere was!

_ASH, BROCK, and JAMES look at MEOWTH, confused_

_MEOWTH ignores them_

MEOWTH: singing Oh ev'a, oh ev'a a hon dere was. Da Honcho of Ez is one because, because, because, because, becaaaaaause...

BROCK: singing ...Because of the wonderful things he does!

ASH: All right, that's enough singing! We've gone through this before!

JAMES: You're just jealous.

ASH: Why would I be jealous?

JAMES: Because that's the kind of person you are!

ASH: At least I AM a person!

JAMES: ...I may not have a brain, but THAT was an insult!

ASH: What are you going to do about it, Mr. Not-so-scary Scarecrow?

MEOWTH: I t'ink he's plenty scary.

ASH: You don't count.

JAMES: Why don't you drop a house on him?

ASH: Shut up!

JAMES: Or maybe you could get the wicked gym leader of the west to help you! Oh wait, I forgot! You just killed her sister!

ASH: sarcastically I'm so scared! That horrible gym leader is after me! What ever shall I do? Just because an ugly old reptile is after me I think I'll tremble in fear!

JESSIE: What did you call me?

_The four turn to see JESSIE standing behind them_

_MEOWTH faints in fear_

ASH: Heh...heh...fancy meeting you here...Um...nice weather, eh?...Do you think it'll rain today?...That wouldn't be good...We'd get so wet and-

JESSIE: Silence! I came for the pikachu!

BROCK: What happened to revenge?

JESSIE: Uh...that, too...Wait a minute! Where IS the pikachu?

ASH: Meowth scared him away.

_JESSIE looks at an unconscious MEOWTH and rolls her eyes_

JESSIE: I don't have time for this! I have a facial in fifteen minutes! Well if you could all just, you know, fear my wrath or something it'd really mean a lot to me. I'll be back later to steal the pikachu. Tah-tah!

_JESSIE flies away on a broom_

JAMES: Bye!

_After reviving MEOWTH and finding PIKACHU, they again continue on their way_

BROCK: Hey, look! Up ahead!

ASH: It's Diamond City!

JAMES: My whole life I dreamed this day would come and now that it's here I...I...Look! Flowers!

_JAMES jumps into a field of flowers_

BROCK: There's no time to play in flowers! We're so close to Diamond City!

_JAMES doesn't respond_

ASH: Oh no! He's dead!

MEOWTH: Not dat! He's gonna come back as a zombie ta drain da life out of us so we'll be part of da ever-growin' army of da un-dead! Den somebody's gonna shoot us so we all die even d'ough we was already dead and den somebody else will resurrect everyone but me and I'll be stuck in da oblivion fer all eternity!

BROCK: I think he's just sleeping.

MEOWTH: Oh...well, dat has scary possibilities, too.

ASH: Just to be safe lets check for a pulse!

_ASH checks for a pulse_

ASH: See? No pulse!

BROCK: Well, first, you check for a pulse at either the neck or wrist, not the ankle. Second, that's MY ankle!

ASH: I see.

MEOWTH: So if he's sleepin' den just wake 'im up!

BROCK: I'm too tired! You wake him up, Ash!

ASH: yawns James, wake him up!

_ASH, BROCK, and PIKACHU fall asleep_

MEOWTH: Dis is just poifect. Wit'out a nose, I miss out on all da cool evil spells!

VOICE: You're the only one left! You must save you're friends! They need you!

_MEOWTH faints_

_MISTY appears_

MISTY: Somehow, I knew the evil voice thing wouldn't work!

_MISTY sends out Poliwag, who uses water gun attack on ASH, BROCK, JAMES, PIKACHU, and MEOWTH. All five wake up, just in time to not see MISTY_

JAMES: That was fun, lets go!

ASH: To the Honcho!

BROCK: The Honcho!

JAMES: The-

ASH: No singing!

JAMES: ...

_They reach Diamond City with no further interruptions_

_As they approach, a giant door leading into the city becomes visible_

_ASH pushes the doorbell_

_A man appears at the door_

MAN: What do you want?

ASH: We've come to see the Honcho!

MAN: No.

_MAN goes back inside_

_JAMES pushes the doorbell_

_A man appears at the door_

MAN: What do you want?

JAMES: We've come to see the Honcho!

MAN: Come right in!

_They enter the city_

_MAN stops ASH_

MAN: I'm sorry, but if you ain't selling cookies then go away!

ASH: But you let them in!

MAN: Yeah, well, I like them.

ASH: I'll give you some corn...

MAN: Right this way, sir!

_ASH hurries after the others_

JAMES: Ooh! Do we get to sing a song now?

ASH: No!

JAMES: You're no fun!

BROCK: Just think, after I get a heart the girls will be all over me!

JAMES: And I can finally go to college!

MEOWTH: I'm goin' sky diving after dis!

ASH: When I get home I'm going to drop my house on Uncle Oak!

PIKACHU: Pika pi!

_Suddenly, JESSIE flies across the sky on her broom, writing with self-made smoke as she goes_

_The words say 'Dear Ash, I regret to inform you that I STILL intend to steal that pikachu and get my revenge! Nobody drops a house on Cassidy unless I pay them to! Oh, and since you asked, it won't rain today but I think it will tomorrow. -Love, the wicked gym leader of the west, Jessie'_

ASH: You're wrong, Jessie! VERY wrong! It WILL rain today! You'll see!

MEOWTH: I wish I could write so legibly in da sky!

_The people of Diamond City begin to panic_

WOMAN: What'll we do?

MAN: To the Honcho!

BROCK: The Honcho!

JAMES: singing We're off to see the Honcho!

ASH: Stop doing that!

_Everyone rushes to a big gate that leads to the Honcho but are all turned away by the doorkeeper_

ASH: But you have to let us in!

DOORKEEPER: I don't think so.

ASH: Please?

DOORKEEPER: No.

ASH: I can give you money...

DOORKEEPER: Go away.

JAMES: He's with me.

DOORKEEPER: Why didn't you say so? Come right in!

ASH: How do you do that?

JAMES: Well, I'm a scarecrow.

BROCK: Yeah, you see, in Ez humans just aren't as popular as scarecrows, tin men, pokémon, the homunculus, and the trees.

ASH: I rank below the trees?

BROCK: Of course!

ASH: I'm really beginning to hate this place...and it's STILL too colorful! There are some MAJOR Technicolor problems here!

_They reach the Honcho...who is actually Giovanni!_

GIOVANNI: What do you fools want?

_MEOWTH faints_

BROCK: I wish he'd stop doing that!

ASH: Please, Mr. Honcho, send me back home to Pallet Town!

JAMES: I need a brain!

BROCK: I need a beautiful girl!

_ASH elbows BROCK_

BROCK: ...I mean, a heart.

GIOVANNI: Only if you drop a house on the wicked gym leader of the east!

ASH: Not again! I already did that!

GIOVANNI: Er...I mean...Bring me the compact mirror of the wicked gym leader of the west!

BROCK: But that would mean we'd have to...we'd have to...

ASH: Go through her feminine products!

A/B/J: NOOOOOO!

_MEOWTH wakes up_

MEOWTH: What's goin' on?

JAMES: This is the scary part!

MEOWTH: Oh, sorry!

_MEOWTH faints_

GIOVANNI: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I will only fulfill your wishes once you bring me that mirror!

ASH: You're mean! I'm going to drop a house on you!

BROCK: Stop threatening the Honcho!

ASH: You're next!

_ASH, BROCK, and JAMES drag MEOWTH away...not noticing that they'd left PIKACHU behind_

_Scene moves to JESSIE's castle_

_JESSIE is watching ASH, BROCK, JAMES, MEOWTH, and PIKACHU on her crystal ball_

JESSIE: Those idiots are going to come here! This is perfect...if only I didn't have previous arrangements to go to a movie with the gym leader of the southwest tonight...Well, I'll just send them to me!

_JESSIE turns to one of her flying mankeys_

JESSIE: Bring me the boy and his pikachu...and make it snappy!

_Hundreds of mankeys fly away_

_JESSIE turns back to the crystal balls and flips through the channels_

JESSIE: Curse this satellite! I need cable!

_Scene moves back to ASH, BROCK, JAMES, MEOWTH, and PIKACHU_

BROCK: We can't do this! It's too dangerous!

JAMES: I'll say! That castle is so dirty!

MEOWTH: Unsanitary conditions could cause some terrible disease! I'm not goin'!

ASH: But we gotta go! I don't want to be in this place another minute! I mean, those flying mankeys don't look too friendly!

JAMES: Don't be silly! What's the worst they could do?

_Some of the mankeys swoop down and fly away with ASH and PIKACHU_

BROCK: That's really not the worst they can do...

TOGEPI: Toge toge briiii!

-

"Wait! Togepi's not even in this movie!" Misty exclaimed.

"That's what the viewers are supposed to think!" The director told her, "It's a great end twist."

Brock argued, "It's not even the end."

"Or so you'd think."

-

JAMES: Come on...I guess we have to go save Ash and Pikachu while we steal that compact.

MEOWTH: How much money you wanna bet dat dis'll be harder den it sounds?

JAMES: No way! The last time I made a bet somebody conned me out of 100, five of my cool scarecrow hats, the cornfield, and my first-born!

BROCK: I don't even want to know what you bet on!

JAMES: Neither do I!

BROCK: All we have to do is defeat the evilest, sneakiest, most powerful gym leader in all of Ez.

JAMES: All right...but if we all die you owe me a coke!

_The three set off to JESSIE's castle_

_Scene moves to castle_

ASH: You're not gonna get away with this!

JESSIE: Oh, but I already have, you see!

ASH: I will destroy you!

JESSIE: I'm going to be the supreme conqueror here, not you!

ASH: No! I'm going to defeat you!

JESSIE: I will!

ASH: No, I will!

JESSIE: Me!

ASH: Me!

JESSIE: Me!

ASH: Me!

JESSIE: Listen, I've won every game of rock, paper, scissors I've played!

ASH: I still don't think this is a good way to debate who gets Pikachu!

JESSIE: Do you have a better idea?

ASH: Well, you could just kill me and take it.

JESSIE: Good idea! I'm going to kill you right now!

_JESSIE looks at her watch_

JESSIE: Right after Days of our Lives is over! You have one hour to live!

_JESSIE hurries away_

ASH: I have GOT to stop suggesting people kill me!

_Scene moves to JAMES, BROCK, and MEOWTH, who are watching JESSIE's guards from a rock_

GUARDS: Oh we oh! We ohhhh oh! Oh we oh! We ohhhh oh!

MEOWTH: Just listen ta 'em! D'ose is da scariest soundin' guards I've ev'a hoid!

JAMES: Perhaps if we steal their clothes...

BROCK: That's brilliant! We can look like guards and get in!

JAMES: That wasn't what I was thinking but that's a good idea, too!

_JAMES, BROCK, and MEOWTH sneak up to the guards very carefully, so they won't get caught_

JAMES: Excuse me? Yeah, you! The one with the really big gun! Can we borrow your clothes?

GUARD: Sure! turns to the other guards These guys want our clothes!

_Scene moves to ASH_

ASH: Great. I'm locked in some cold castle tower prepared to die! Where's Prince Charming when you need him?

_Someone knocks on the door_

ASH: Prince Charming?

BROCK: from the other side of the door Of course, it's me!

JAMES: from the other side of the door Oh, shut up and chop down the door!

_BROCK chops down the door with the ax the writers failed to mention before_

ASH: You know, the door was unlocked.

JAMES: So?

ASH: Nevermind. Lets just get that compact mirror and head back to the Honcho.

JESSIE: So that's your plan, is it?

_JESSIE holds up her make-up bag_

JESSIE: You'll have to get through me first!

_MEOWTH faints_

JESSIE: AHAHAHAHAHA! I'm indestructible!

_ASH grabs the make-up bag_

JESSIE: You've won this round! But...wait! My face cleaners are in there! AHHHHH! My pores are clogging! Clogging! Clogging up! Oh, what a world! What a world!

_JESSIE runs off to buy Noxzema_

ASH: That was much easier than I though it would be!

MEOWTH: I don't know what yer talkin' about...dat was da scariest experience in my whole life!

BROCK: Come on, we've gotta get that mirror back to the Honcho!

_They go through a series of unimportant adventures until they finally reach the Honcho once again_

GIOVANNI: So you stole her face wash? Excellent strategy...but I'm still not going to help you.

_MEOWTH faints_

ASH: Why not?

GIOVANNI: I don't have magic powers, you fools! I'm just a honcho! What'd you expect?

_MEOWTH gets up_

MEOWTH: Den why am I so scared about?

GIOVANNI: Now, get lost! I've got some redecorating to do!

_The group sadly leaves the room_

_MISTY appears in front of them_

MISTY: I'm here to help you!

ASH: About time! You could have helped by telling us NOT to go to the Honcho!

MISTY: I thought it was pretty funny!

JAMES: Hey, it IS funny! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

MISTY: James, you were forever cursed to be an idiot.

JAMES: Oh fiddlesticks...

MISTY: Meowth, I know you're just pretending.

MEOWTH: How did you know?

MISTY: Brock, even with a heart the girls will ignore you.

BROCK: Somehow...I knew that was coming...

MISTY: And Ash, You're house is right down the street.

ASH: Really?

_ASH looks at a sign_

ASH: Oh! This is 14th Ave.! I thought it was 13th Ave.! How silly of me!

MISTY: Now that I've made your lives worth living my work here is done!

_MISTY floats away in a bubble_

ASH: I don't know about you but I feel worse than when I started.

MEOWTH: I'll nev'a be a cowardly actor!

BROCK: Now I'll never get married!

JAMES: I wish I had never been sewn together.

PIKACHU: Pika pi...

ASH: Lets all go into a deep depression and block off all communication with our family and friends until they send us to therapy which makes everything worse until we go on a killing spree and save the last bullets for ourselves, ruining the lives of all who care about us.

M/B/J: Yeah...

-

"So..." said the director, "what'd you think?" He looked hopefully at the actors who where staring at theirs scripts, mortified by the ending. The director sighed, "Let's move on to the next script..."

END!

There's part two of MeowthMix's "Lights…Camera…CUT!". Review! Now!


	3. The Special SuperHappy Hotel Where Nobod...

**Lights…Camera…CUT!**  
by MeowthMix 

The third installment of the classic MeowthMix fanfic!

LIGHTS CAMERA CUT: Part 3

"Somehow I don't think this script will be any more original than the last one," sighed Misty.

The director glared at her, "I'd like see you do any better!"

"I'm sure I could," Misty said.

"Just read the script already!" snapped the director.

"Can't we just...have the stunt doubles act the movie for us?" asked Ash.

"What stunt doubles?" Brock said.

"Uh..." Ash started edging for the door, "Here...let me go get them..."

"You're not fooling anyone," the director said, "Now get back here and go through your part!"

"We can't" Brock told them, "Team Rocket's not here!"

The director was furious, "What? Where are they?"

"I think they died or something," Ash said casually, leaning back in his chair.

"No they didn't!" the director fumed.

"How do you know?"

"Why would they be dead?"

"Don't ask me! I'm not the one who killed them!"

"Listen, if they don't come back we can't read the script and if we can't read the script none of you are going to get out of here!"

Ash, Misty, and Brock jumped to their feet.

"Don't worry! We'll find them!" Misty exclaimed. The three ran out the door, followed by Pikachu. Right after they left, the director turned around, coming face to face with Jessie, James, and Meowth.

"Where have you been!" the director demanded.

"What do you mean?" asked James.

"Exactly what I said...where have you been?"

"We never left," Meowth told him.

"But...but...you were gone...you just came back!"

"No we didn't."

"Then why didn't I see you in here?"

"Maybe you're going blind..."

"I'm not going blind!"

"How can you be so sure?"

"I can see you right now!"

"No you can't"

"Stop doing that!"

"Doing what?"

"That!"

The three had worried looks on their faces, "We're really starting to worry about you..."

"What are you implying?"

"Nothing...just maybe you should go talk to-"

"I'm not going to therapy!"

"Let me finish! Now, before I was so rudely interrupted, I was saying that you should go talk to the cook! I mean, I've had bad cafeteria food before but-"

"James!"

"It was just a thought..."

The director wondered how much aspirin he had left. He sat down on a chair, "After Ash, Misty, and Brock get back we'll read the scripts and I'll be rid of all of you!"

"What do you mean 'get back'?" asked Ash.

"ACK! When'd you get here?" the director nearly had a heart attack this time.

"What are you talking about? We've been here the whole time," Brock told him.

"No! You went to look for Jessie, James, and Meowth!"

"Why would we look for them if they never left?" Misty wanted to know.

"Don't you remember? You even said they were dead?" Now Ash, Misty, and Brock looked worried, too.

"Now...about that cook?..." James started but decided to forget it as Jessie glared at him.

"You know what? You can go home! Forget about the script!" the director told them.

"No...I really want to read that script now," Ash said. That did it. The director stood up, pushed his chair in, dusted off his pants, nodded at his actors, and ran away screaming crazily.

"Ha! I told you we could make him go insane without getting physical!" Misty laughed.

Jessie, James, and Meowth grumbled and forked over the money they'd promised AshCo. if they lost the bet.

"Think we should read the script anyway?" asked Brock. If it hadn't been for that small ounce of guilt for making their director go insane and the fact that none of them had anything better to do they wouldn't have done it but read it they did! And they did it well! And so ends our tale...

What? ...A script? ...Fine! You can have a script but that's all for me! I've been humiliated enough on the show but now you're forcing me to stay here beyond my will! Narrators just don't get any respect these days!

* * *

ASH: I can't believe I just won the lottery!

BROCK: Neither can I! What are you going to do with a million dollars, anyway?

ASH: I figured I could squander it foolishly on a bunch of stuff I don't need.

BROCK: Good idea.

ASH: What's the best way to blow cash?

BROCK: Well, first of all, you need to buy a convertible...

ASH: I'll have to buy a mansion, too.

BROCK: Misty, do you have any good ieas? ...Misty?

ASH: Where'd she go?

BROCK: Pikachu's gone, too

ASH: My money! Where is it?

BROCK: They must've stolen it!

ASH: Quick! We have to find them or I'll never get that trip to Hawaii!

_ASH and BROCK run off to look for MISTY and PIKACHU_

_Scene moves to MISTY and PIKACHU, who are making their getaway in a stylish new car_

MISTY: We're rich, Pikachu! And we're finally rid of the guys!

PIKACHU: Pika pika!

MISTY: I know. If they find us we'll be in deep growlithe doo-doo!

PIKACHU: Pika pika...

MISTY: Don't worry, I have a dress in back that I can change into. Nobody will recognize me then! And I have a fake mustache for you!

PIKACHU: Pika pika!

MISTY: That rain DID come up rather abruptly, didn't it? I can barely see the road!

PIKACHU: Pika pika?

MISTY: Oh! Who needs a license? I know how to drive!

PIKACHU: Pika pika!

MISTY: Where?

_MISTY spots a light from a motel and pulls up to it_

MISTY: _reading the sign_ The Special Super-Happy Hotel Where Nobody Gets Killed.

PIKACHU: Pika pika!

MISTY: It does seem a rather odd name for it...I mean, this isn't a hotel! It's a motel!

_They walk into the office where JAMES is seated at the counter_

_JAMES jumps up, shoving something into a drawer as if it were a big secret that nobody could find out about_

JAMES: Need a room?

MISTY: _motions to PIKACHU_ Do you allow pokémon?

JAMES: Yeah...but I don't have any rooms left.

MISTY: What are you talking about? There's no one else here!

JAMES: Did I say rooms? I meant donuts! I don't have any donuts left!

_JAMES reaches into the drawer and pulls out what he'd shoved in there just moments ago...a donut_

MISTY: I thought you said you didn't have any of those!

JAMES: Um...I meant...uh...jelly filled!

MISTY: That one's jelly filled!

JAMES: It's CREAM filled!

MISTY: It really looks like jelly...

JAMES: It does, doesn't it?

MISTY: Why are you acting so suspicious?

JAMES: No one ever dies here!

MISTY: What?

JAMES: I said you need to sign the guestbook

MISTY: ...OK

_JAMES pulls out a guestbook and a pen_

_MISTY picks up the pen and signs the guestbook_

JAMES: _looks at PIKACHU_ No pokémon allowed

MISTY: But you said I could have it here

JAMES: Oh yeah...well, just this one time...You're in room 105

MISTY: How can you have a room 105 if you only have ten rooms?

JAMES: I said your going to be in room 105 and that's where you're staying!

MISTY: Whatever, just give me the key

_JAMES hands MISTY a key with the number 5 on it_

_MISTY and PIKACHU, relieved to get away from JAMES, hurry out the door to room number 5_

MISTY: What a strange guy...we'd better leave this place early tomorrow!

PIKACHU: Pika pika!

MISTY: Why don't you watch TV or something? I'm going to take a shower.

_MISTY opens the bathroom door and steps in_

_Scene moves to JAMES, who is in the office stuffing a pidgey_

JAMES: What a strange girl _shrugs, stops stuffing the pidgey_ What're you doing, Jessie?

_Scene moves back to MISTY_

_The camera is at a close-up of her face as she washes her hair_

_The camera slowly moves out revealing that she's still fully clothed_

_The door opens and somebody steps in_

MISTY: Huh? Pikachu, is that you?

_MISTY turns and sees a person with long pinkish hair and a dress from behind the translucent shower curtains_

_MISTY screams_

_Scene moves to ASH and BROCK, who are talking to MEOWTH, the detective_

MEOWTH: So, she and da pikachu stole yer money and skipped town?

A/B: Exactly.

MEOWTH: Well, dere ya go! Ya already know what happened! What's da problem?

BROCK: We want Misty and Pikachu back!

ASH: But mostly the money.

MEOWTH: What are ya waiting for? Go out and get it!

ASH: That's why we came to you! We don't know where they went.

MEOWTH: I see how it is! You want me ta do yer doity woik!

BROCK: It's your job! We're paying you to find them!

MEOWTH: Yer payin' me? Why didn't ya say so? I'm on da case!

_MEOWTH runs out the door_

ASH: I knew we could trust him to find my money!

BROCK: But he doesn't even know what Misty looks like!

ASH: It's amazing how these detectives work with such limited information.

_Scene moves to the Special Super-Happy Hotel Where Nobody Gets Killed_

JAMES'S VOICE: Jessie! What have you done? It'll take me hours to clean up this mess, Jessie! Hours!

_The next day_

_JAMES is sitting at the counter eating a donut_

_MEOWTH enters the room_

_JAMES shoves the donut into his pocket so MEOWTH won't see it_

MEOWTH: Hello, Sir. I'm lookin' fer a young goil and a pikachu. Anyone come here in da past couple days?

JAMES: Um...no...

MEOWTH: You sure?

JAMES: Yeah.

MEOWTH: Positive?

JAMES: Yeah.

MEOWTH: So if I was ta, say, find her in one'a dese rooms you would tell me she wasn't here?

JAMES: Yeah.

MEOWTH: Look, I got a picture of her right here _pulls out a picture of a female meowth in a bikini but immediately puts it away, embarrassed and takes out a different picture of Misty_

JAMES: Haven't seen her.

MEOWTH: Ya didn't even look at it!

JAMES: Exactly.

MEOWTH: Nevermind, can I just see- Is dat jelly drippin' outta yer pocket?

JAMES: Perhaps.

MEOWTH: sighs Lemme see yer guestbook.

JAMES: No.

MEOWTH: Why not? Because her name is in it?

JAMES: Yes.

MEOWTH: Really?

JAMES: Maybe.

MEOWTH: Just let me see it already!

_JAMES hands MEOWTH the guestbook_

_The entries read:  
James  
James  
James  
James  
Jessie  
James  
James  
James  
Norman Bates  
Jessie  
James  
James  
Misty  
James  
James  
James_

MEOWTH: Dere's 'er name! Right dere!

JAMES: You know what, I think I have seen her

MEOWTH: What room was she in?

JAMES: 105

MEOWTH: You don't have a room 105!

JAMES: I'll show it to you!

_JAMES leads MEOWTH out to the rooms_

_They pass rooms 1, 2, 3, and 4. JAMES stops in front of room number 5, which has 10 painted in front of the 5_

MEOWTH: Mind if I look around?

JAMES: Yes. Jessie's going to kill you. _walks away_

_MEOWTH walks into the room and looks for anything useful_

_He sees the usual things that motels have: a television, a bible, two sets of beds, pictures of boats, Misty's shoes_

_MEOWTH notes that the shower curtains are missing and what looks like blood in the bathtub but dismisses it as nothing_

_He steps out the door and spots a spooky house located on a hill next to the motel and starts to walk toward it but is intercepted by JAMES_

JAMES: What're you doing?

MEOWTH: Who lives in dat dere house?

JAMES: Just me.

MEOWTH: Really? But I see someone in da window!

JAMES: It's just Jessie.

MEOWTH: But you said you was da only one who lives dere.

JAMES: By me I meant Jessie and I.

MEOWTH: Could I maybe have a woid with her?

JAMES: No.

MEOWTH: Why?

JAMES: 'Cause she'll kill you.

MEOWTH: ...Ya know, it's getting' kinda late...I think I'll just be heading out...

_MEOWTH runs over to his car and drives away quickly_

JAMES: Why do the weirdoes always come here?

_Later that night..._

_MEOWTH pulls up in his car and quietly gets out_

_The only sound is some pidgey, tweeting amongst themselves_

_MEOWTH sneaks by the office so he won't get JAMES's attention_

MEOWTH: Shut up, ya noisy boids!

_The pidgey flutter away and MEOWTH continues quietly toward the spooky house he'd seen earlier_

_MEOWTH finally enters the house and begins up the staircase_

_Suddenly, the figure with the long pinkish hair and dress came running out of a room towards MEOWTH_

_MEOWTH screams_

_Scene moves to ASH and BROCK the following week_

_They are driving down the road to the Special Super-Happy Hotel Where Nobody Gets Killed_

ASH: I wonder why that funny looking detective never came back.

BROCK: It's almost as if he died or something.

ASH: No matter. We'll find the money ourselves.

BROCK: There's that motel...

ASH: Why are we coming here, anyway?

BROCK: _sighs impatiently_ I told you! We're going to steal a set of shower curtains for your mom's birthday!

ASH: Oh yeah...

_They pull up in front of the motel and get out of the car_

_As they enter the office they see JAMES sitting nervously at the counter_

BROCK: What kind of shower curtains do you have?

_JAMES pulls out the set from room '105'_

BROCK: This is perfect!

JAMES: Look, if you want to steal stuff you have to have a reservation!

ASH: If we stay in a room all night do we get to steal the phone book, too?

JAMES: It comes with the phone you're supposed to swipe.

ASH: I see.

BROCK: What a wonderful bargain!

ASH: We'll take a room.

JAMES: I just need you to sign the guestbook.

_JAMES is pulling out the guestbook when ASH notices something_

ASH: What's stuck between the pages of that book?

JAMES: _panicked_ Nothing! It's just...a...a...a bookmark!

BROCK: It's a donut, ya crazy nut!

_JAMES makes his getaway into a closet_

ASH: We'll be in room number 7 if you need us.

_ASH and BROCK walk out the door_

JAMES: _from inside the closet_ It's all going according to plan...Now, where's my car...

END!

Okay, that was part three! I believe there are about four scripts in this entire fanfic, so keep checking back. Review now.


	4. The craziest, crossdressingest donut thi...

**Lights…Camera…CUT!**  
by MeowthMix 

LIGHTS CAMERA CUT: Part 4

ASH: I get the bed on the right and you get the one on the left.

BROCK: What bed on the left? That's a couch!

ASH: Well, it's a fold out.

BROCK: No it's not!

ASH: Oh well. You have a pillow and blankets.

BROCK: You took all the pillows, blankets, and even the cushions for the couch and used them to build a fort!

ASH: Then you can sleep in the fort.

BROCK: I'm not sleeping in the fort.

ASH: As you wish PRINCESS.

BROCK: What's that supposed to mean?

ASH: Nothing...YOUR MAJESTY!

BROCK: On second thought, I'm sleeping in room number 5.

ASH: Is that where your crown is?

_BROCK leaves_

ASH: _(yelling out the door)_ I'm serious! Is there a crown in there?

_Scene moves to BROCK who is entering the office_

_JAMES is stuffing a spearow_

BROCK: Um...excuse me...

JAMES: Huh? What do you want?

BROCK: I need the key for room number 5.

JAMES: _(panicked)_ N-no...Why don't you stay in...uh...room number 5?

BROCK: That's what I just said!

JAMES: In that case I'm moving you to room number 5!

BROCK: ...OK...just give me the key...it's getting really late.

JAMES: Would you like some coffee to help you get sleep?

BROCK: Sure.

_moments later_

BROCK: So, you like to do taxidermy?

JAMES: What?

_BROCK points to the many stuffed bird-type pokémon_

JAMES: Nah...I just do it as a decoration...

BROCK: I agree...they do look rather nice...can I have one?

JAMES: I don't have enough.

_BROCK looks at the garbage, which is filled with extra stuffed bird-types_

_BROCK's eyes wander out the window and he spots the scary house located on the hill next to the hotel_

BROCK: Is that where you live?

JAMES: Yep. Just me, Jessie, and Steve.

BROCK: Who's Steve?

JAMES: So what brings you out here anyway?

BROCK: Oh, Ash and I are looking for a girl named Misty and a pikachu. They stole Ash's lottery winnings and skipped town.

JAMES: That bratty little redhead!

BROCK:...how'd you know she has red hair?

JAMES: Because most people who steal lottery money have parents that were brunettes and siblings that had black and blonde hair. And due to process of elimination she has red hair.

BROCK: Oh.

_JAMES gets up_

JAMES: I'd better go to bed now.

BROCK: I thought you said you were going to give me coffee.

JAMES: Coffee? At night? You're weird!

BROCK: You never gave me the key for room number 5.

JAMES: That's OK. You can just climb in through the window.

BROCK: I see...

JAMES: Well, I'm sorry about that girl and the pikachu and that funny looking detective you sent off to look for them. I hope you find their bodies soon.

_JAMES walks off in the direction of the scary house_

_BROCK hurries back to the room he left ASH in_

_ASH is asleep in the fort_

BROCK: Ash! Wake up!

ASH: ...Wha?...What's goin' on?...

BROCK: Get up!

ASH: Noon comes earlier every day...

BROCK: I think I know what happened to Misty and Pikachu!

ASH: Good. Tell them to stop waking me up. _(lays back down)_

BROCK: This is important, Ash! I think something horrible happened to them!

ASH: They had it coming for stealing my money.

_BROCK drags ASH out of bed_

BROCK: Maybe if we ask that Jessie person the strange man mentioned we could find out what is going on.

ASH: Can you carry me?

BROCK: Of course.

_BROCK carries ASH to the house_

_They enter the house_

_ASH looks out the window and sees JAMES approaching_

ASH: You go distract the deranged man and I'll find his probably also crazy friend.

BROCK: Perfect.

_BROCK runs out the door to JAMES_

JAMES: Why were you in my house?

BROCK: I was looking for you.

JAMES: Why?

BROCK: Why what?

JAMES: Why where you looking for me?

BROCK: No reason.

JAMES: But-

BROCK: Why is there jelly dripping out of your pocket?

JAMES: Hey! Who's asking the questions here?

BROCK: Well, who's distracting whom?

JAMES: Ah! Touché!

_Scene moves to ASH, who has reached JESSIE's room_

_Nobody there_

_ASH moves to the living room_

_Nobody there_

_ASH moves to the bathroom_

_Nobody there_

_ASH moves to the kitchen_

_STEVE is there_

_ASH moves to the fruit cellar_

_He sees the back of somebody with long pink hair sitting in a chair_

_ASH reaches out slowly just to build the suspense_

_INTERMISSION_

_END INTERMISSION_

_ASH grabs the chair and spins it around_

_He gasps as he sees the most horrifying sight imaginable!_

_A mannequin was seated at the chair with the wig drooping over its vacant face_

_ASH screams_

_He turns and sees JAMES in a dress and a pink wig, holding a donut_

_ASH screams again_

_BROCK appears behind him and shoves JAMES into a closet_

_...Or at least he thought it was a closet...it was actually the door leading outside allowing JAMES to get away_

_The next day_

ASH: That had to be one of the freakiest things that's ever happened...well, except that one time...

BROCK: I'm with you on that one.

ASH: But what happened to Misty, Pikachu, and the detective...and my money!

BROCK: They've gone to a better place.

MEOWTH: That's right!

_ASH and BROCK turn to find MEOWTH, MISTY, and PIKACHU standing behind them_

ASH: And just where have you been?

MISTY: Well, the crazy guy came in when I was taking a shower and hit me with a broom and ran off.

MEOWTH: What was dat blood-like substance, anyway?

MISTY: I don't know...

BROCK: Based on James behavior, it was probably jelly from a donut.

PIKACHU: Pika pika!

ASH: But where did you go?

MISTY: I didn't want to spend any more time in that nut house so I drove to Las Vegas to waste all your money.

ASH: What?

MISTY: I nearly doubled all of it but then lost it all in one crazy bet in some alley that was obviously fixed.

ASH: ...My...money...

MEOWTH: Well, dat guy kicked me, giggled like a schoolgirl, and fell into the pond.

BROCK: This still doesn't explain the matter of Jessie.

JESSIE: I'll fill that one. You see, we decided to start running a motel about a year back. It seemed to go smoothly until he picked up that nasty habit of stuffing birds. I needed a break from it all so I took a vacation in the Bahamas. I guess leaving him alone wasn't such a good idea...But what ever happened to Steve?

_They all think_

_A police car pulls up and JENNY gets out of it_

JENNY: Are you Jessie?

JESSIE: If I say 'yes' are you going to arrest me?

JENNY: Well, I found your friend back in a town 3 miles east of here. He's in jail.

JESSIE: This isn't about the whole trying to kill people thing is it?

JENNY: He just happens to be the craziest, crossdressing-est, donut thief in the general area!

ASH: Donut thief?

JENNY: He's robbed every donut shop within a 100-mile radius of this location!

MEOWTH: Dat explains all da donuts.

BROCK: What'd he do with them?

JENNY: He ate half of them. The rest were found hidden inside each of those stuffed birds.

EVERYONE: Eeeeew!

* * *

"That was...um...interesting..." Jessie said as she 'accidentally' threw the script into the fireplace.

"Just how many of these scripts are left?" Misty asked.

Jessie picked up the large pile of back-up scripts and prepared to 'accidentally' throw them into the fire place, too.

Meowth stopped her, "Wait! We have ta pick one'a dem! Our fans are expecting a movie!"

"Forget them! I have better things to do than entertain people," Ash said.

Misty snorted, "Like what?"

"Uh...like...finishing that novel I'm writing," he replied.

"You're not writing a novel," Brock said.

"Did I say novel? I meant shopping list!"

"Look," James told them, "Meowth is right. We're never getting out of here until we pick one of them!" The actors all sighed and picked up the next script, opening it up to the next page.

* * *

Review, guys. 


	5. Pokemon Cemetery

**Lights...Camera...CUT!**  
by MeowthMix

LIGHTS CAMERA CUT: Part 5

"Ugh...how many more of these horrible scripts are there?" Misty complained.

"Hm..." James said as he looked over at the pile of un-read scripts, "I'd say about thirty..."

Brock looked up from his coffee, "Well, which one are we going to read next?"

Jessie was already looking through them, "Uh...Blair Witch, Star Wars, Flubber, Titanic...take your pick...It's kind of like renting really crappy knock-off movies...except they have us in them!"

"Here, look at this one...'Pokémon Semetery'," Ash read off a title, "This one sounds cool!"

"No it doesn't," Meowth snapped.

"We don't have anything better..." Misty pouted, "I say we just hurry up and get it over with."

"Do you think the director will be coming back any time soon?" James asked.

"I think I saw him buying plane tickets to Hong Kong on the phone before he left..." Ash told them, though he didn't fully comprehend what he was saying.

"This is just great! We're going to be stuck in this tiny room reading scripts for weeks! And if that's not bad enough, you guys made the director go insane!" Jessie fumed.

"If I'm not mistaken you were making him go insane right along with us," James pointed out.

"Shut up! I'm making a point!" Jessie yelled.

"Well, do any of you have anything better to do?" Meowth asked.

"Actually-"

"Quiet, Brock. You don't have a date."

Brock pouted, "Maybe I would if I wasn't stuck here with you guys."

"No you wouldn't"

"But what if-"

"No!"

"Rats..."

"Lets just start the stupid script already! All this childness isn't getting us nowhere," Ash said, "Oh! I can't get the straw into my juice box!"

"Ash, that's a cereal box...not a juice box," James told him.

"Oh yeah, well there's no such thing as a fruity cereal!" Everyone sat and stared at Ash for a moment, then opened up the script that he had suggested earlier.

* * *

JAMES: Isn't it great! We're finally almost to our new house in Middle-of-Nowhere, Maine? What do you think kids?

* * *

"Kids?" there's no way I have kids in this script!" James yelled as he jumped off his seat and threw his script down, "Did the writers stop to think of how old I am and that I'm unmarried?"

Everyone else was snickering.

"You'll have to get used to it, James," Misty giggled, "It's only a script."

James scowled as he picked up his script, figuring it was impossible to argue with all of them.

* * *

JAMES: Isn't it great! We're finally almost to our new house in Middle-of-Nowhere, Maine? What do you think, kids?

MISTY: This is so boring, dad, we've been driving for hours!

ASH: I'm bored, too!

JESSIE: Shut up, kids!

* * *

It was now James's turn to laugh his head off as everyone else yelled obscenities at the script...except Brock.

"Who wrote this crap?" Misty yelled, "Don't tell me they have a bunch of mankeys back there because those would be some pretty STUPID mankeys to be writing stuff this bad!"

"You'll have to get used to it, Misty," James mocked what she had said earlier, "It's only a script."

Jessie, Ash, and Misty said several more obscenities but returned to their scripts.

* * *

MISTY: I can't believe you're making us move to Middle-of Nowhere, Maine! It's practically in the middle of nowhere!

JAMES: Oh, you'll love it! This place has a pool and everything!

MISTY: Really?

JAMES: No.

ASH: Does it have a cemetery where you bury your dead pokémon and they come back to life and try to kill you because it used to be an Indian burial ground and it's cursed?

JAMES: Oh, don't be silly! The pokémon don't necessarily have to be dead! I'm sure plenty of people bury them alive, too!

ASH: _pales_ Oh...

JAMES: Seriously, Jessie, what are you teaching this poor child?

MISTY: He was an accident, wasn't he mom.

ASH: Mom, tell her I wasn't an accident!

JESSIE: What did I teach you about lying, Ash?

ASH: _pouts_

JAMES: Look! There it is!

JESSIE: Wow...it's so...so...so dilapidated!

JAMES: Just think of it as 'broken down!'

MISTY: I don't wanna live here!

ASH: I want a banana!

JESSIE: You already had a banana today.

ASH: I want another one!

JESSIE: You're still eating the last one!

ASH: I want another ooooooooooone!

JESSIE: SHUT UP, YOU LITTLE BRAT!

ASH: I want a pineapple!

JAMES: _gets out of the car_ This is great! Just look how big this place is! And there's no one around for miles!

BROCK: Hi!

ASH: AHHHH! It's a scary man!

BROCK: Ha! Kids say the darndest things! _face turns serious_ You wanna see something really scary?

ASH: _scared_ No.

BROCK: Ha! See? What'd I tell ya? _face turns serious_ What are you doing here?

JESSIE: We just moved in.

BROCK: Oh! How wonderful! _face turns serious_ Do you have any pets?

JAMES: Uh...didn't we have a pet of some sort?

MISTY: He's in the trunk!

MEOWTH: _from in the trunk_ I can't breathe!

BROCK: Ha! Pets say the darndest things! _face turns serious_ Be careful for the highway. Kids and pets run out onto it and skinned knees happens just like snaps fingers that!

JESSIE: _gasps_ James! I told you it wasn't a good idea to move into a place like this! What were you thinking?

JAMES: Oh! Just because our family's lives are in danger is no reason to leave!

_ASH runs out into the street and nearly gets run over_

ASH: I want a chocolate cake with cookie dough ice cream and gummy bears!

BROCK: Ha! Kids say the most idiotically stupid things! _face turns serious_ I have some cake with cookie dough ice cream and gummy bears at my house. Would you care to join me?

MISTY: Well-

JESSIE: Misty! The stranger is offering you some candy! What did I teach you about that?

MISTY: Oh! Right! Yes, sir, I would like some candy.

JESSIE: Misty!

MISTY: I mean...yes, sir, I would like some candy...PLEASE!

JESSIE: That's better! Now get out of my site!

BROCK: Ha! Crazy mothers say the darndest things! _face turns serious_ I think your Meowth suffocated in your trunk.

_BROCK takes MISTY and ASH to his house, which is across the highway_

JAMES: What a nice man!

JESSIE: Don't you think we should let Meowth out?

JAMES: He's fine.

_Later..._

JESSIE: It's going to take me at least a week to get used to living here...

MISTY: Mom, it's been at least three months...

JESSIE: Yep...a long, long, time...

JAMES: Dinners on!

_They all sit down at the table_

ASH: I don't want this! I want chicken!

JAMES: But it is chicken...

ASH: ...Uh...I want turkey!

MEOWTH: Can I have some?

ASH: Silly Meowth, you can't talk!

MEOWTH: But-

ASH: Silly Meowth, you can't talk!

MEOWTH: _pouts on the floor_

JESSIE: So, Ash, what did you learn in school today?

ASH: I don't go to school...

JESSIE: So, Misty, what did you lean in school today?

MISTY: I learned how to tell zombie pokémon from the real things!

JAMES: Speaking of zombie pokémon, how does everyone like the steak?

JESSIE: I thought it was chicken...

JAMES: It was.

JESSIE: I think I'm full...bye! runs up to her room

JAMES: Jessie! You didn't finish your french toast!

ASH: I want a nuclear warhead!

_The next day..._

JESSIE: Why are you dragging us to some stupid pokémon cemetery in the pouring rain?

JAMES: Because I'm an idiot.

ASH: Mud! jumps up and down!

MISTY: I hate this family.

JAMES: There it is!

JESSIE: OK, I've seen enough...bye! _runs off_

ASH: Mom's gone crazy again...

JAMES: Wow! Look at all the tombstones! There's tons of dead pokémon here! Isn't it cool?

MISTY: Dad's gone crazy, too.

ASH: Can we go now?

JAMES: No! You haven't seen all the graves! Look! Here's one with a growlithe...and here's one with a rattata...Ooh! Look at this one! It's a pikachu!

* * *

"Pika...pikachu..." Pikachu said angrily, threw it's script on the floor and stomped out of the room. Nobody cared.

* * *

MISTY: All right...we've seen the graves...can we go now PLEEEEASE?

JAMES: But...but the graves...

MISTY: Dad...

JAMES: Five more minutes?

MISTY: Come on, time to go!

JAMES: But I don't wanna!

MISTY: You'll miss your naptime!

JAMES: Not nap time! gets up and runs back to the house

_The next week...or next year or whatever...I don't really care_

JESSIE: James! The kids and I are leaving for two weeks! Bye!

JAMES: _engrossed in the making of his model ship_ Have fun.

_Door slams shut behind JESSIE_

BROCK: Hi! _face turns serious_ Is that a model ship you're building?

JAMES: What are you doing in my house?

BROCK: I live here. _face turns serious_ You're in MY house, ya weirdo!

JAMES: I thought it looked a little different.

BROCK: So... _face turns serious_ How's the family been?

JAMES: They're all alive.

BROCK: That's good! _face turns serious_ It would be a shame if one of them...say that meowth or that Ash kid of yours...were to be hit by a truck out there...

JAMES: True.

BROCK: Speaking of which... _face turns serious_ I need you to identify a body for me.

JAMES: 'K.

_They walk outside to where JAMES sees MEOWTH laying lifelessly in the snow...despite the fact that it was summer_

JAMES: Oh! Meowth, no! Why! Why did it have to be this meowth? Misty's gonna kill me!

BROCK: Don't worry. I have a plan...

JAMES: Well...

BROCK: 'Well' what?

JAMES: Isn't your face going to turn serious?

BROCK: _gives JAMES an odd look_ You're weird...just follow me!

_BROCK stuffs MEOWTH into a garbage bag and leads JAMES back out to the pokémon cemetery_

JAMES: What are we doing here?

BROCK: Good question... Oh, crap! I was supposed to go the other way!

_BROCK leads JAMES to a cursed Indian burial ground_

JAMES: OK...so what are we doing HERE?

BROCK: Dig a hole.

JAMES: What?

BROCK: Dig a hole.

JAMES: Why?

BROCK: Just do it already!

JAMES: I can't do it by myself!

BROCK: I'll help.

JAMES: Oh...all right...

_JAMES digs a hole...BROCK stands next to him and watches_

JAMES: I thought you were going to help me!

BROCK: I'll help you put the dirt back in...but first we gotta put yer meowth into it.

JAMES: Why?

BROCK: Just trust me on this like you trust me to watch your children.

JAMES: But I don't trust you to watch my children...

_BROCK throws the bag containing MEOWTH into the hole_

MEOWTH: Ow!

BROCK: Quick! Now put the dirt back in before he gets out!

JAMES: But he's still alive! Why are we burying him?

BROCK: So I don't seem like the only crazy one here!

JAMES: Fine!

_JAMES puts the dirt back into the hole_

JAMES: You didn't help me this time either!

BROCK: No, no! Watch! sets a small pebble on the top of the hole See?

JAMES: No what?

BROCK: Dig him back up!

JAMES: What?

BROCK: It's a cool magic trick! He won't be there when you take all the dirt out again!

JAMES: _sighs and digs the hole back out again...MEOWTH is still there and swearing quite loudly_

BROCK: Darn! It didn't work this time! OK, put all the dirt back in!

JAMES: Oh, come on! What is the point of all this?

BROCK: He'll become murderous and try to kill you!

JAMES: All right...all right... _puts all the dirt back_

BROCK: Now, we have to run around in the woods!

JAMES: But I'm tired from digging!

BROCK: You have to run or it won't work!

_JAMES runs around in the woods_

JAMES: _panting_ OK, so what did that accomplish?

BROCK: You're now in better physical shape than you were before!

JAMES: I hate you!

BROCK: Let's go back now!

_JAMES and BROCK go home_

_The next day_

JAMES: Hm...I gotta remember to get revenge on Brock later...

MEOWTH: There you are!

JAMES: Huh? Meowth! You're alive!

MEOWTH: You idiot! You buried me...twice! Now I'm going to bury a screwdriver in your head! _holds up a hammer_ If only we HAD a screwdriver...

JAMES: Great! Now when Misty gets back she won't even know you died!

MEOWTH: But I didn't die!

JAMES: She'll be thrilled to pieces!

MEOWTH: _starts swinging the hammer at JAMES_ I'll kill you!

JAMES: Oh! I'm missing the football game! _runs inside_

MEOWTH: You've won this round...

_A couple days later_

JESSIE: We're home!

JAMES: That's great! And guess what! Meowth didn't die!

MISTY: Good! Where is he?

JAMES: I think he's playing in the highway with Ash, or something...

_MISTY goes out to play in the highway, too_

JESSIE: So, what'd you do while we were gone?

JAMES: Um...besides watch football?

JESSIE: You watched football without me?

JAMES: You don't like football...

JESSIE: But it's the principle!

JAMES: Oh..well...good thing I didn't watch football...

JESSIE: But you were watching football when I got back...

JAMES: Yeah, well, I wasn't paying attention...

_Some time other than the in the past or present_

MISTY: Dad...have you noticed anything...um...strange about the way Meowth has been acting recently?

JAMES: Oh, he's the same as he always was...

MEOWTH: _shaking in the corner, still clutching his hammer_ All will die...All will die...All will die...All will die...All will die...

MISTY: Well, he's been a lot smellier since we got back...

JAMES: He hasn't taken a bath in his life!

MISTY: That's true...but...oh forget it...do you wanna come out and fly a kite with me and Ash and mom and Brock right next to the scary highway?

JAMES: Sure!

_Scene changes to outside where ASH is flying his kite_

ASH: Whee!

JESSIE: Ah, this is so much fun! I mean, this is, like, one of those days where nothing could possibly go wrong!

_ASH gets hit by a truck_

JESSIE: _laughs_ Whoops! Spoke too soon!

MISTY: Ash!

_ASH is several yards away, stunned_

_His lower lip trembles...then he realizes he skinned his knee and screams in pain_

JAMES: _thinking to himself_ I need to get him out to that burial ground to bring him back to life...but Jessie would never let me...unless... _Yells aloud_ Jessie! Look behind you!

JESSIE: _looks behind her_

_JAMES grabs ASH and runs off the burial ground_

ASH: W-what are you doing?

JAMES: Burying you.

ASH: Why?

JAMES: To...uh...to...oh! Brock is so much better at explaining it than I am!

_Buries ASH_

JAMES: Perfect! Now all I have to do is un-bury him, re-bury him, and then run around in the woods!

_An hour later_

JAMES: OK...All done... returns home

BROCK: Did you bury your son in the burial ground?

JAMES: Yeah...so?

BROCK: You fool! Do you realize what you've done?

JAMES: Um...I buried my son in the burial ground...

BROCK: Oh, I was just checking to see if you remembered. _walks away_

_The next day_

JESSIE: Boy, James, it's such a good thing you buried Ash in the woods...otherwise we would never have him back!

ASH: That is right, father...I am so glad you nearly killed me...Don't you agree, Meowth?

MEOWTH: _Shaking in the corner, still clutching his hammer_ All will die...All will die...All will die...All will die...All will die...

BROCK: Ha! Zombie pokémon say the darndest things!

JAMES: They sure do, Brock! _faces the camera_ They sure do...

* * *

The actors stared at the scripts. They were incapable of even mentioning how scared they were. Now, let us never speak of this script again.

* * *

So. It keeps going. I'll soon continue. 


End file.
